I will be forever changed by a little rat terrier named Lola, who shared with me such a brief but potent teaching. Anyone who has ever lost an animal dear to them, ever felt guilty about it, ever spent desperate days on end searching for a missing animal, ever rescued a terrified neglected animal, ever wondered who these animal angels were, ever needed hope in the darkest of nights, then this story is for you.
The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she would break my heart. I also knew she was very special. Her name was Lola, and her rescue mommy brought her to me during a brief Animal Communication session at a local pet store. She was rescued from Katrina hurricanes, after several temporary stops. She shared with me that she had been in a puppy mill, with up to 50 other dogs, with very little human contact. Lola lost her first litter in the flooding, and became nearly feral, she explained. The other dogs in her new household gave her a very hard time too. She was quaking, hiding behind the bench, and wouldn’t make eye contact.
That is, until I began to speak to her person about how intelligent she was, and how she understands much more than you would think. I suggested she speak firmly to the other dogs of Lola’s trauma, and tell them they need to be more patient with her as she is NOT crazy, she just had a hellish life so far.
At that, Lola whirled around and made eye contact with me, staring, as if to say, ‘O my gosh, she GETS it! She knows I am not crazy or stupid, just scared.” I had her attention. I went on to explain how Lola’s terror of the woman’s husband was not personal; merely a compilation of all her fears to date piled into one, the “man of the house”. Her fears were enormous, and she needed lots of time and patience to work through them bit by bit.
The next day I received this email after our brief encounter: “We’ve had a major breakthrough after our session with you yesterday! Our most recent rescue dog, Lola, a Katrina victim, is terrified, especially of men. This morning, while I was still in bed, Lola sat under my husband’s desk, put her head in his lap, and let him pet her! She has lived with us for 5 months without ever letting him touch her.”
I knew I had to work with this one personally. There was so much to do to alleviate her fears, as she had nearly given up on humans. Lola came eagerly to my house several times with her person, and we did healing work together, and hung out. Her new “mom” said Lola recognized my name when asked if she wanted to come to my house, and fearlessly approached my door and came in, which was completely unusual for her.
So, it seemed only natural for me to extend a week long visit when her mom had to travel north to care for a hospitalized friend. The first day with me she was glued to a corner near the door, shaking. By day two, she was beginning to relax and allowed me to walk her without a fuss. That night we had a major breakthrough. Lola came toward me, letting me pet her and snuggling next to me! She even came into the bedroom with my partner and slept under the bed. We were really encouraged.
Then disaster struck–the retractable leash slipped out of my hand, in a strange kind of conscious slow-motion, and smacked into her butt. Off she vaulted and within seconds she was out of view. I spent the next four hours inching my way painfully through the densest bramble thicket imaginable.
Lola knew how to survive, and was spotted crossing a 4-lane road and stealing food out of dumpsters. But she wouldn’t let anyone get near her. I struggled for days with tremendous guilt and sadness, having just lost my own dog a few months earlier. Each night after searching for Lola, I would send Reiki healing energy to her. Yet I could not communicate with her at all, which was very unusual.
By the 5th night, both my partner and I finally made a connection. Lola’s presence filled the room, and the only way I can describe it was a very large and angelic being, with very soft, but wise essence. She stayed long enough to ease our worry, and to comfort us that there is a Divine Plan operating, which we could not control.
Early the next dawn, I received several calls of sightings, and dashed out the door without even brushing my teeth. I spoke to several police who also had reports of sightings. At one point I even caught a glimpse of her at an intersection.
Little did I know it was the closest I would come to her again.
Three days later I wrote this final report to the growing number of friends who were on the lookout: “I am afraid that the lost doggie saga did not end the way we wanted. Lola was sighted several times but would never let anyone near her. Late Sunday night she was hit by a car and died of complications. Thank you all for holding her in your prayers, and for your effort in driving around. It really helped knowing we had so many helping to look for her.
After hearing she didn’t make it, we meditated and I asked to connect with Lola’s spirit. This time instead of feeling her Presence standing in the room, like we had the other night, I felt her wrapping around me in an embrace, very profound and poignant. Lola, the little rat terrier, was, and is, an amazing being. I hope this message helps you as it did me.”
Lola’s message from spirit:
“I am an angel of Light
You recognized my intelligence, my sensitivity, my purity
For that I am ever grateful
It has truly freed me from the bondage of the body.
C and B (rescue parents) were with me 100% when it counted
And never gave up on me
I don’t know how to thank you all for helping me to complete my mission–my journey”
(I asked what that was)
“To heal, despite trauma. To Love, despite pain. To forgive, despite blame. To Heal… to Whole. I became Whole when you loved me. When you saw me. Not broken and scared – but sensitive and wise.
You reminded me who I was. What I could be. Love and understanding freed me from the karma of the flesh – I could return to Spirit – mission accomplished. I want everyone to understand what you understood when I presented my true self in your living room. That all is in Divine Order. That beings are not limited to the form they choose. That comings and goings are much easier, and much more complex, than you imagine.
It is all laid out ahead. Events, timing, even difficulties. We choose our difficulties with great care, for the gems they hold within. In Spirit we celebrate the difficulties equally with the victories. There is no difference – for they all bring us to the Knowing, to the Oneness.
My journey has touched many people, you don’t even know how many were looking and praying for me. This is the REAL story. Not a missing puppy, not a dog hit by a car, not a leash that slipped, not even a “Katrina” victim. These are all incidentals to the divine mission I took on, and by the way, accomplished. I had to bring people together, in small ways, and in big ways.
The police even took time to look for me – the POLICE! – for a missing doggie. People you don’t even know about drove around, put up flyers, prayed, connected in their concern. Others saw me as a survivor, not a victim, not starving, but running fast and strong. You see, perceptions changed. In small ways, and in big ways.
Kumari saw my true self, and as a result I was able to give her plenty – remove sadness and pain from her own recent “loss”; lessen her guilt and feelings of over-responsibility for things well beyond her – or any human’s – control. For this she will be forever changed – forever grateful – and much more capable of doing the work she was sent to do, without the burden of misunderstanding life and death, and her role in preserving neither. But simply and heroically I might add, seeing things as they truly ARE, seeing TRUTH and sharing this so others may understand their true nature, their divinity, their special mission here on this planet.
And that is Enough. Enough for any life. I had enough – Life. I had enough – Time. Enough – Love. In one drop of C’s tears, enough Caring. And enough – Sadness. It is not time for sadness. It is time for celebration. I return Home – joyfully and with great pride. Mission accomplished. More than was speculated. I am very pleased.
From my vantage point, this life was a great success. I know this is hard for you to grasp, especially right now as you grieve the loss of the One you knew. But I am not that one only—four legs, soft fur, sad eyes, etc. And I am not even the story—Katrina victim, puppy mill, runaway.
I am the Light of God shimmering in Divine Dogness one moment,
and in a flash,
I am Sunlight,
I am golden rain pouring down to soothe the hot brow of Mother Earth,
I am a dancing star.
I am… You.”
It was true what she said about relieving my guilt; there was such Peace in her and such wisdom in her perspective, I felt washed clean of the guilt that my slip-up with the leash had caused her death. Though I do become saddened, I have never felt the depths of guilt and despair the same since meeting Lola.
“Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
and I always want it to be that way for my Lola….
“It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola