This year has been a humdinger, and it is not over it seems. I have hesitated even sharing this, as I don’t wish to make scary disease processes more solid in everyone’s mind and therefore, reality. But I am also a believer in miracles, in healing, and in all of you and our collective power to envision and intend total well-being for us. So here goes.
My beloved Kumara had another heart attack a few weeks ago and another stent. But the findings were the scariest part as the blockages have really progressed, and his BP continues to be really high, and we were back in the ER last week. As if that isn’t enough, I am having cataract surgery in both eyes, starting with my worst eye tomorrow.
It is taking all of our healing tools and awareness to stay present and calm and hopeful, plus accepting help from amazing colleagues and clients.
When he woke me at 3am with all too familiar chest pains, I immediately put my hand on his heart and it was beating nearly out of his chest. Within a few moments, Reiki relaxed the crazy pounding, and also the anxiety dramatically, as I dialed 911. On route to hospital, I was envisioning a pink-golden healing light opening his arteries.
Living from soul means acknowledging our cosmic origins, and staying true to our Self expression, not denying our human frailties as a failure of our spiritual and healing abilities. It means grabbing the moments as Kumara loves to say, like this Sunday brunch on the beach and a show at the theater. It means continuing to work, while listening deeply to our bodies and also, being willing to reinvent our lives as needed.
Facing the reality of the new diagnostics of his heart and artery condition deteriorating resulted in a deep grief and reality check for me. I have vacillated between the two perspectives of glass half empty such as nothing we have done is working, to the glass half full of “he has survived 4 heart attacks since 2009 and we created a beautiful life and home together…and we can do this again and better this time.
Too often spiritual people want to skip over this part and jump into only entertaining positive thoughts and visions. But this can be skirting the edges of spiritual bypass, so I tend more and more to be fully present and allowing of my emotions as they are. Feeling my feelings, I reminded someone close, is not drama. Being afraid of losing my husband, or my vision, is not being negative. It is being real with all of this human experience.
When a dear colleague offered support for me, I asked to work on my fear of eye surgery as that had taken a back seat to Kumara’s health crisis playing out daily. I articulated this several times to well meaning friends, and they all told me how simple a procedure it was, and how they know people with great results, all very comforting on one level.
But my fear didn’t care about statistics or other peoples outcomes.
My fear needed me to spend some time with it and listen. So with a colleague’s help, I sat in the center of my being and allowed my deep trepidation of an invasive surgery, on my eyes no less, to bubble up and wash over me. For a few moments it was like sitting in the center of a small fire.
I have learned if I can stay in the center of the scary emotional flames and let them fully arise, without jumping into them, nor moving away, the emotional energy soon dissipates on its own. For the fear is not who I am, but a temporary experience to inform me of something.
And when I can fully listen, and be fully present and embracing, the message the emotional body is sending me fully heard and respected, the message dissolves and I am no longer under its dominating influence.
I am reminded of a blog I wrote a few years back about the healing mindset being a “dance between denial and detachment”
“Energy Healers, and any co-creators for that matter, must dance between denial and detachment. At the same time that you must fully accept and acknowledge what is, rather than railing against it (aka resistance), and ultimately enter the spiritual space of surrender or detachment, you must also refrain from so embracing the reality of the condition thus making it more solid and entrenched within your mind/body structure.
It is after all, just one point, one moment in time, on a vast continuum of possibility, that the body/mind is demonstrating the particular symptoms of its out of balance state. To the untrained eye, this attitude skirts dangerously close to the edge of denial: denial of the existence of the illness or condition you want to heal. While true denial (aka spiritual bypass) can take this form of not dealing with some condition or circumstance in a multi-disciplinary way; that is, bringing into balance the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of the condition; this higher awareness of not buying into a condition as solid and “real” is totally necessary to be an effective healer.”
How you can help: Please envision healing light clearing his arteries and strengthening his heart. “See” for me clear and powerful new vision. You are all powerful healers!! All prayers and healing deeply appreciated.