“Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be…”
–Rolling Stones, “Ruby Tuesday” lyrics
Knowing how important it is to maintain a high vibration and be in balance on every level, this summer I dedicated to saying yes to anything that felt good and made me happy. It was not a conscious choice at first; it was a deeper longing in my being to unplug from all the “doing” and feel… FREE. I wasn’t feeling burnt out exactly, I was feeling something deeper stirring, and the normal busyness was not allowing the new level of self-nurturing, balance and integration to emerge.
While being drawn inside to a deeper listening, I found it wasn’t enough to just sit quietly and meditate, or even to channel. My inner child was calling out to PLAY. My creativity was craving new expression and freedom. In short, my normal busyness and my packed schedule was not allowing enough space for my Soul. For me and many other seasoned light warriors I’ve spoken to, self-nurturing and play IS the missing piece to anchoring in the paradigm shift to higher levels of consciousness right now. I felt like a new space is opening up and we have to learn to walk all over again.
My strong sense of Higher Purpose that has driven me since I can remember began to fall away, as I gained a foothold in the fullness of this Presence, that kept demanding that I play. When did play become such a no-no? Who knew play could be so hard???
This may sound like it would be easy but the real truth is we get very attached to our busyness, our productivity, our “doing”. As I chose to wander the new landscape of my Being-ness without the Busy-ness, I encountered many layers of thought that were totally plugged in to unconscious fears rooted in unworthiness.
Maybe you can relate to the myriad ways my self-worth was intricately woven into “working.” I noticed the thought patterns of “I am not deserving of being supported if I am not working hard; I am lazy if I am not moving enough; if I am playing I should be more physically active; my money will suffer if I am not working long hours” and on and on.
Healing Gifts of Play
Committing to more play time has brought me many gifts in new awareness, deeper integration of the new energies I am sharing, and a level of self-loving that I am now not just teaching and giving, but truly receiving and living.
Though I totally ADORE what I do, it is really intense at times and I was not always conscious of how much energy and focus it takes. I had not always given myself enough space to truly balance my needs while taking on others’ needs, even though it often totally uplifts me in the moment. I felt being a healer and mentor was my Soul Purpose and therefore I “should” be happy and grateful for serving in this way (which I truly am).
Yet the very way I was holding and feeling my “purpose” had to shift. The underpinnings of a sense of missionary zeal that I had to accomplish something incredibly important and if I didn’t, well, the sky would fall or something began to feel off. It sounds laughable when I say it like that but many of you may also feel such a sense of urgency that it weighs quite heavily on your shoulders at times. Not exactly “grace and ease” and the incredible lightness of Being…
Real Play Requires Intuition, Trust and Presence
Devoting myself to play demanded that I be truly present in each moment. What my body wanted yesterday to feel good, was not the same today. What inspired me when I was 20, 30 or 40, may no longer be holding lasting joy for me now. The way others choose to play often doesn’t fit for me.
This level of Presence was a calling or practice in itself. It requires enormous flexibility and tuning in with responsive attentiveness to my feelings, my energy, even my mood, without judging. My mind chatter that kept popping in needed serious weeding, and dropping all the “shoulds” requires a lot of courage.
I had to revisit my Trust and Faith which I always thought was very deep. Did I really believe in a universal abundance and flow, or did it only happen when I “earned” it by working hard? Did I have faith in my connectedness to Source in every decision, in every breath, that if I lived true to my inner knowing, I would not only survive, but truly thrive? Am I truly loved for who I am, not just what I do?
Permission to Play
As we near the close of summer I am beginning to rest in the knowing that my very presence, right here, right now, in this body is not only ENOUGH but a total BLESSING. At times I can tune into each step, each breath and trace the healing energy of this life force from Source gracing Mother Earth through me. Wow.
How would your life change if you began to accept this perception that your very presence on the planet JUST AS YOUR ARE …is enough? Is a blessing?
What would you let go of? What would you choose instead? How might your values and daily activities shift? What inspires your child within?
My intention for all of you, actually my Healing Rx (aka Prescription) and “Divine Orders”: Play More!
© Kumari Inc. 2014