After feeling shot out of cannon with Coronavirus changes/demands/chaos, as healers we are also on front lines, energetically speaking. At first, I felt super strong and capable of holding space for everyone’s fear and anxiety for their health and well-being. I was inspired to quickly offer free Global Healing, live chants over Easter, affordable Reiki sessions with my Reiki Masters, Live weekly healings, and now a 33 day Chant for Abundance. Phew!
With each new offering, I felt a huge energetic relief, as if we were effectively tackling our piece of the CORVIC-19 pandemic mass fear. After each new energy healing and alchemy program it felt lighter and easier to breathe, as we chipped away at a bit of the collective chaos energy. Many people are having extraordinary shifts and I am thrilled.
Uncontrolled Blood Pressure
Then Kumara began to have uncontrolled high blood pressure (HBP), the same levels that in the past resulted in heart attacks. I’m still centered, detached and in the moment. We started our Claim your Abundance chant challenge with a live Chant right before his cardiologist appointment, and many people on Facebook offered prayers when I posted about it. Gratefully he was not admitted to the hospital, which was a huge concern now, as that is the last place anyone wants to be during a pandemic! Though he is not out of the woods yet, the early tests were positive.
Chanting helps to lower blood pressure
Yesterday, his BP was very high again. So we chanted again and it came down to the lowest in a week! We felt really encouraged and energized. There are always the peaks, the pits and the plateaus of the spiritual path.
But the chant as I often say, like any authentic spiritual or healing practice, will bring things to the surface that need healing. It is not all peace and harmony instantly.
Healing Happens When We Least Expect It
Later I went to the grocery store, donning requisite mask and gloves. I made it about half way through shopping and BAM, it hit me and I just wanted to run out of there, feeling all these efforts were so futile. Then outside, I just felt oh so sad, that this is our life now. I used to love to food shop, as I made it my personal mission to spread a smile, a joke, a kind word, my open heart, to everyone I came across, and I felt this was my secret “service.”
Now, I am dodging people, and I realize no one can see me smiling. I feel pulled inward and contracted, and am rushing to get out. Not at all my style. I feel overwhelming grief for the loss of the joy of this little adventure, and for all the extra time it took to do simple things.
I arrive home feeling the weight of the world on me, and am exhausted. It all finally hits me.
I recognize this pattern. After everyone else is take care of, after the immediate crisis is passed, only then do I feel my own feelings. Every caregiver and peacemaker and parent knows what I am talking about.
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Taking care of everybody else but not ourselves
I just had this same conversation with a client, who was suffering from sinus infections. She takes care of everyone and is an awesome healer.
If she could allow herself to cry, that life was hard at times, allow yourself to feel, and allow the release with tears the sinuses will clear. And her head cleared immediately. But now it was my turn.
When crisis strikes healers rise up
We caregivers and healers rise up when crisis strikes, and we put ourselves on hold to deal with everyone else’s needs, and usually it feels ok, even really good as we feel that is our purpose and our unique gift.
Until we collapse
Until it doesn’t. Until we collapse. And who takes care of the caregivers, the healers, the peacemakers and positive thinkers when they fall into despair, or exhaustion, or just need to feel their OWN feelings?
So today I am once again chanting, for myself and for everyone, and I am resting, and I am FEELING what needs to be felt. For me. And I am sharing this with you.
Life is messy. Feelings are messier.
I encourage you all to do this for yourselves regularly. It is okay to not always be strong, hold space, or be the one who “fixes” everything. Life is messy. Feelings are messier. Be okay with the mess … this too shall pass if you allow the ebb and flow, the expansion and the contraction, the agony and yes the ecstasy.
We are perfectly imperfect.
Throw it all into the chant, the meditation, the energy healing, the walk in nature. Show up just as you are. You are perfectly imperfect, as am I. You are right where you should be. You are beautifully, and divinely, human.
So once again I say this healing prayer, mostly to myself:
“Please forgive me. I am so sorry. Thank you. I love you.”
Thank you Kumari. I needed this! Feeling it stronger than usual today. I went to Publix yesterday and felt the same tension and pressure that you described so well. I tried to actively send love in the middle of it all but it just felt foreign and intense.
I needed your reminder to be gentle with my own humanness. Healing is a messy non linear process!
I am sending love to you and Kamara. He is in the best possible hands with you and you are blessed to have the partnership you do!
WOW! That was interesting. In the middle of writing to you I got some intense pain in the middle of my chest. It was so bad I had to go lie down. I had a little hissy fit with God! I told him if it was my time to go, take me now while I’m lying down. I am done with all the fucking suffering on this planet both personal and not! If it’s time to join Rudra Ram in a place of no suffering I am ready. Who designed / co-created all this suffering? Enough already! I am ready for a different system, a different planet! … Well once that all washed through me, I realized that is both liberating, to be so unattached, and I realized it will take that level of intense intention to change things and co-create something new here on Earth. Anyway, I feel so relieved! Which proves your point: We have to feel our feelings, no matter what they are or how intense they are!
So, Thank you. I love you! Carry on.
(God can handle our hissy fits.)