“A healer is not a bus; you don’t have to take on everyone who shows up!”
I have met many energy healers, intuitives, bodyworkers, therapists, psychics and other spiritually oriented people who have allowed deeply disturbing situations and have accepted disempowering beliefs due to a perceived “moral obligation” to take on everyone who comes to them.
For instance, I have worked with shamans who can’t sleep because they feel they must serve every Spirit that knocks on their door; day and night their etheric “waiting room” is chock full of ancestors demanding attention. Some of the most extreme examples are psychics who are constantly seeing horrific images of people who were murdered, and even clients who are having alien “pregnancies” and other highly invasive experiences that are freaking them out.
More commonly, I work with therapists, coaches, bodyworkers and energy healers and who have no energy (pun intended), no money and no time for themselves because they feel that everyone else comes first. They may even become ill. They console themselves with thoughts that they should feel grateful to be of such worthy service, and they should feel happy to live off the leftover scraps, if there are any. Or, they harbor beliefs that they have to become selfish and greedy even in order to make any real money in this world, and that it is more spiritual to not be “about money”.
Do any of these scenarios sound remotely familiar?
This is an issue for many service-oriented people, not just “healers”. Two decades ago, one of my first year law school heroes was our Constitutional Law professor when he declared emphatically: “A lawyer is not a bus! While every client does deserve representation, not every client warrants your services.”
This was not a popular notion. What initially began as a moral duty to ensure that even highly unpopular clients, for instance due to racial prejudices or the heinous nature of a crime, were fairly represented, over time became a means for corporate clients and law firms to make lawyers feel that they had no choice to refuse to represent, for instance, a company that was a known environmental polluter. But our professor empowered our still wet-behind-the-ears class by asserting “they could hire someone else. It doesn’t have to be you.”
In the same way, many healers and compassionate people in general feel that they must take on everyone who is in their world, and even may feel overly responsible way beyond their part of the universe. Yet this is a fast train to burnout, or worse, to illness or financial ruin. Not much healing happens when that is the case, does it?
Discover the Underlying Reasons Why You Have No Boundaries
While some of the instances I mentioned may be very unusual and seem unrelated, they all have one thing in common. There are no strong and clear boundaries established. Simple diagnosis, but not always so simple to fix. Why? Because there is often a payoff or attachment to the situation or else it would not be such a difficult dilemma to rectify.
What is the payoff for you? For instance, it may be that you really want everyone to like you, so you never say no. Or it could be you get to feel like a “good” or “spiritual” person. Or even that you prefer to stay immersed in other’s problems rather than focus on your own. In any case, you may need to first uncover the underlying reasons why this scenario may be serving you on some level.
Once you dive a bit deeper into the reasons you may have chosen the way things are, it is imperative to establish clear and strong boundaries if you choose to stay healthy, happy, and balanced in all areas of your life.
Often we don’t think of boundary issues being a problem until something extreme happens. Or it may be that we have lived so long without good boundaries that it feels “normal”. Either way, I highly recommend weeding out the root causes and setting strong clear agreements up ahead of time so you don’t need to experience those extremes.
You can start by energizing these intentions I have used for years so that I am now attracting my ideal clients, and feeling very supported and safe.
Ideal Client Intention: Everyone values my time, knowledge, energy, talents and unique gifts. Many wonderful people joyfully pay me abundantly for it.
Highest Good Intention: I only work with (allow in) energies that are for my Highest Good.